Okay, new day with the same old BS. The redundancy is getting pretty damn old and extremely frustrating. I'm not asking or taking anything from anyone. I'm not harming anyone in any way or decreasing the quality of their lives. Yet every single move I make or thing I say, someone has got an opinion about it or wants to tell me how to live. Instead of being happy when I fidn happiness or encouraging me to be better and seek out what is best for me, people want to judge and criticize me. Last I checked, the only person I really have to answer to other than my own conscience, is God himself.

I'm a grown ass woman and I'm a damn smart and good one. I don't use people, I try my best to be good to everyone, even the ones who don't always deserve it, and I try to be honest and fair all of the time, or as close to all of the time as I can. You would think that would count for something, but obviously not. I love my family and friends, I treasure each one of them, and I always try to be in their corner whenever they are dealing with things in their own lives. But answer me this...why can't they do the same for me? Is it asking too much?

Some people are about to get a rude awakening and not gonna like me too much if the shit doesn't change. I'm tired of trying and getting hurt in return. Life is too short and too precious for this stuff. :-(

So, over the last month there has been a lot going on in my life, as usual, and I have been spreading myself pretty thin trying to get some kind of normalcy back into this chaos that is my life. I'm finally starting to get some stability established and been working on some of my personal relationships, both old and new. I've tried to remain more optimistic about the future, in thanks in great part to a new friend I have made. This person is one of the sweetest,  kindest, smartest, most genuine people I have ever know and I am so grateful to have them in my life. It's hard to believe how just having one new person come into your life and show you they care can make such a dramatic change in your whole attitude and outlook. I firmly believe that everyone who comes into your life does so for a reason and it's either to help you or hurt you. This one person, I know they are here to help me in some way, if nothing else but to be my friend and make me believe in myself. I will never be able to thank them for that but I can promise that I will do my best to always be deserving of the gift of their friendship and to be there for them in whatever way I can be.

Life is still kind of crazy but I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to believe in happiness and myself again. I'm learning to let go of the things that hurt me and honder me from growing as a person and to embrace even the smallest bits of hope and happiness that come along. Sooner or later, all of those small bits will complete the puzzle and I know I will have found my peace. :-)

Not trying to sound like a grump or anything this morning but I am just so tired. Of what you ask? Well, what ya' got? I'm pretty much tired of everything and everyone at this moment (not EVERYone, but a great majority of the people around me and some that are nowhere near me at the moment.) This has been one frustrating, emotion-filled,  crappy week and I am so glad it is almost over. I fought with and lost one of my best friends this week - not because I did anything to him. I just stood up for myself and let it be known how I feel about certain things, many of which had nothing to do with him actually. But he assumed they did and he got his nose all out of whack and the bitchfest was on. I am so tired of being criticized and bashed for being an honest person and standing up for myself and what I know to be right and fair. If you don't like that about me, then by all means un-friend yourself from my life and go on about your merry little way. But don't think you can still be there for the good stuff or call yourself my friend or family member when it suits you. Nope, "Homey don't play dat."

It just never ceases to amaze me, as long as I live, how some people can go their whole lives without ever feeling any emotion or remosrse for the things they say and do to people. How can you exist without a soul or conscience? That just puzzles me to no end. I won't say I've never said or done something without regard for others because I have. I am human, I fail at times, and I am far from perfect. But for the most part, I am a damn good person and one hell of a loyal friend/family member. But like in any situation, if you want my loyalty and affection, you gotta earn it. If you're not deserving, then shame on you because you obviously had something to do with receiving the reception from me that you did. Suck it up and take responsibility. That's one bad thing about people these days - when something happens they don't like or they think is unfair, it's always someone else's fauly. Yeah, might wanna rethink that one there Buttercup.

Anyway, life is not perfect and things are not always going to go your way. But you can either take what you get and make the best of it, or you can wallow in self-pity and whine about it and let it get them best of you. At least you're still here to complain so you're ahead in the game. Reality is, sometimes life just sucks.

So much has happened over the last year and a half of my life and just when I think I have things figured out or am at a nice, normal spot in my life...the universe decides to shake things up on me. I've learned not to get too comfortable because when you do, something is just bound to happen to throw you for a loop.

I've made a lot of new friends over this last year or so, some of whom are more like my own family now than just friends. I've also parted ways with some who were at one time just like family but now I can't even call them friends anymore because too much has happened along the way to break those bonds we once had. I can't say that it is all their fault in those cases but I can safely say that in most of them, yep, they are to blame. To me, when you put your trust in someone and try to be good to them when everyone else seems to be turning their backs on them only to have them stab you in your back, they are definitely the asses here. But I'm not sweating those people because obviously, God had a reason for removing them from the picture, so that he could bring better, more true friends into my life. For that, I am so thankful.

My life is nowhere near perfect, and there are probably still a few more people who need to be excised from it. But it's all a process and will happen in it's own time. And I am extremely thankful for one person in particular who has come into my life and who has become such a big part of my heart that I hope they will never leave it. I won't say who this person is but I can say with all honesty that I love them more than words could ever express and would do anything in this world for them. I am not the type to open my heart too easily to someone new or to let just anyone in, but this person has earned a spot in my soul, not just my heart and I thank God every day for them.

I have battled with depression and anxiety for so long now that I thought I'd never come out of the darkness but I am finally starting to and pray that things will just continue to get better for me and those people I love and care about. All I want is to be happy and to have my family and friends be happy and to excel in whatever they do. If you are in those groups of people, I want to say that I love you all and thank you for being a part of my sometimes crazy, mixed-up life. <3

For those of you who know me, you know I'm hardly ever at a loss for words and I will definitely tell you what I am thinking or how I feel. I try to express myself in a way that allows me to be honest but respectful of others and to be nice but blunt.

Most social media sites are so full of drama, goody-two-shoes people, and just fake people in general. So I decided to afford myself an outlet to put my thoughts into words and share them with anyone who was interested. Mind you, these are just my thoughts and opinions and you are free to agree or disagree with them as you wish. But remember that I can say and feel however I want and as long as you respect my right to do so, we'll get along just fine. You can even express your thoughts here about whatever I am discussing and even ask questions if you want.  But I will NOT tolerate disrespect of myself or others here.

Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you around again.